My 40’s Era: How I’m stepping into the next chapter
My 30’s were a series of Tower moments. It started great, I finally had everything most little girls dream of: The partner, the kids, the house, the stable job… yet, I was miserable.
I tried everything to “fix” myself.
I had everything I ever wanted, so I was obviously the problem!
Not only was I trying to excel at everything, I was hating myself hoping I would suddenly be happy.
I prayed for answers.
I prayed for help.
And that’s when the Tower moments started. In tarot, the Tower card is a card of complete transformation and that’s exactly what the image shows. A tall tower, on fire, with people falling out. I usually interpret it as “your life being shaken to make what isn’t meant to stay, fall out”.
When it happens in your life for real, you desperately try to hold on to ANYTHING that is being shaken out.
It gets uncomfortable real quick and you just want to get back to your comfort.
You pray, but this time you ask God to forgive you, to bring the people back into your life. It wasn’t that bad, you were just being whiny and ungrateful.
But the Universe knows better and keeps shaking. And it shakes until you finally let things fall out.
Until you smile and say “Thank you” when you get fired from your job and have no backup.
Until you get dumped and say “OK” and have nothing but gratefulness for this person and the time you had together, however short it was.
Until you realize that was is being shaken out is only leaving to make space for better, what’s really meant for you.
Until you finally release your grasp and start trusting.
My 30’s were spent struggling, learning and trying to fix myself; and slowly brought me to unlearning, becoming, and realizing I was never broken.
It was never about needing to learn how to be better, it was about coming home to ME. Discovering WHO I am. Being curious, open & vulnerable.
It was never about fixing myself, it was about forgiving,accepting, and loving myself just as I am.
It was never about doing more, it was about BEING!
My 30’s were a crazy ride of figuring me out.
Of being kind and patient with myself.
Of letting go of the outside (and inside) expectations.
And finding joy in the little moments.
And now, I’m entering my 40’s with the knowledge that I still have so much of this adventurous journey ahead.
Feeling more confident, secure, and happy.
I think it’s when you finally accept that you don’t have all the answers that you can truly begin to enjoy life.
It’s not about figuring it out. It’s not about finding success, love, or anything.
It’s about enjoying the ride, wherever it may take you, because you now trust that the Universe might actually know what it’s doing.
It’s not about forcing yourself into places and relationships where you don’t belong so you can satisfy this need to fit in, it’s about embracing life fully, building something beautiful for yourself, and becoming so magnetic that the right people and opportunities naturally find you - allowing you to create your own version of success.
If my 30’s were so chaotic but turned out to be the best years of my life, I am excited to see what my 40’s will bring.
Less resistance.
More trust.
More JOY!